Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's never too late to be topless.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
