theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
