You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
