So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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