did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
