not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
