Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
