It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
