You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
