why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
