So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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