i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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