Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
