butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we have pet lesbian snakes
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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