if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My liver just had a heart attack.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
