I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
