Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
