another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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