The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
