I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
