It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
