The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
