she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
