Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
