dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
