I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
be right there i have to get my cape
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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