I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
