forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
