Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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