Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
