Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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