The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
