Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
