it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
