He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
