Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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