had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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