I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
