apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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