Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
