Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
