It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
