i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
