so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
