hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
