We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
