he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
