For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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