I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
