I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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