Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
