I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wow bdsm is so cute
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
