So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
