This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
