I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
