You can't special order awesome
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
