Me too!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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