Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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