Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wish my penis had a tongue
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
