What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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