I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
